It was in April of 2008. I don't remember which day to be exact. It's funny because after the fact, I swore to myself that I would remember the exact date and time.
My gut had been clenching all day. The night before I was so fixated on what the big meet-up was going to be like, that I barely got any sleep. The plan was that were going to meet in the middle at a restaurant in Oklahoma City around noon. I considered this a covert operation because I did not want my mother to find out what I was doing. I didn't know how she would react to all this. I didn't want to have to deal with the pressure of meeting my real dad while trying to dodge bullets from an hysterical mother. I assumed that most likely she would not have said much about it, but I didn't want to take the risk.
The only people who knew about all this at the time was my girlfriend (now wife), my sister-in-law, and my aunt and uncle. There were some relatives down in Texas that knew about my search, but they didn't know about the meet-up. I told my wife about the entire situation because, well, that's what she was there for; to listen and comfort. My aunt and uncle knew because I was very close to them and was at their house when I got the first response email from Scott, so they knew about him already. It helped to tell a few people about what was going on. It was moral support. Finally, my sister-in-law knew because I asked to use her car, which she was totally fine with. She understood the circumstances. I drove a Dodge Ram 4x4 that got about thirteen miles to the gallon, so I really didn’t want to have to drive that on a six hour round-trip lunch. My wife's car was new and I could've taken it, but it was in serious need of some new tires. And the cash want falling from the tree limbs like they said it would in grade school. So I didn't want to risk a blowout half-way down there. So I asked Ashley if I could borrow her car.
I smoked cigarettes at the time. You should've seen me though that day. Early in the morning I had a cigarette before I showered. Then I got ready. I didn't want to smell of smoke on the big meet. I had already picked up the car the night before so I was good there. I took off at around 8am. It was about a three hour drive there. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get there. All I had for directions was a print-off from Mapquest, so if there was construction or something then I would be screwed. About half-way into my drive, I stopped at a gas station to get a drink and have a smoke. People probably thought I was crazy. I was standing on the sidewalk by the building, and as I took a puff and blew out, I was walking backwards. I was trying to keep the smoke from getting on my clothes. It was awkward. And it probably did no good. But now it's just a funny memory. And I've quit, by the way. As of writing this, its been two yeas, and twenty-four days.
I got back on the road after I finished my cigarette. I'm sure everyone saw the Kansas license plate as I left and thought "wow, Kansas, no wonder!"
I finally got to Brick Town OKC. I had never been there before. It was the older part of the city, but it was really nice. All the building were brick. Of course though, right. I pulled into a parking lot where you had to pay. I paid, I parked, and waited a little bit. I was about thirty minutes early. I wasn't complaining. It gave me time to think and scope out the area. The restaurant, called The Bricktown Brewery, was right across from the parking lot, so I did great. I mean Mapquest did great.
I remember I was standing in front of the entrance to the brewery when he showed up. I was so nervous though that I can't exactly remember what he said or how we both reacted. I think we shook hands and then went inside. Once inside, I do remember we were seated right away. It was noon time on a Saturday, and it really wasn't that busy. The waitress gave is a booth. We sat down and talked a little bit. He was wearing a black shirt, and a hat. He's bald on top, so maybe he didn't want me to see what I'm going to look like in the future, ha! I do remember when the waitress asked for drinks, he asked for a Shiner Bock, but they didn't have any (so I know at least one type of beer he likes). But that's the only drink I remember. We both had a few beers, but I 'm not sure what kinds. The nerves took over, I guess.
From the get go, the obvious questions were asked. “Why did you leave?” He gave me his side of the story, or at least what he wanted to share. He said that he was a young stupid man, twenty-five at the time, and was selfish. Then he said that due to the circumstances, he didn’t know if I was even his. I asked what the “circumstances” were and his response was that he and my mother were not together for that long and he didn’t know if she had fooled around with someone else and was lying to him, just saying I was his. So rather than find out the truth, he just decided to leave. He told me that he thought everything happens for a reason (something he would say a lot in the future). He was sorry for what he did, but he was not sorry for where it got him. By leaving me, he was able to marry his wife, father a son, and reap the benefits of success. It does sound enticing. But I guess my mind works differently. I analyze everything and try to come out with different outcomes in my head for every situation. And in this one, a father could stick around and still do what he wanted. He could still have been in my life and not with my mother. But, he said it like it was. He was selfish.
Most of our conversation was about me. Most of the questions were about me. He didn't seem very open to the idea of talking about himself or his family much. I do remember him giving me a spill about how, yes, basically he had money, but then he went on to say that when you live a higher lifestyle, you're not really better off, your bills are just bigger. I'm thinking "ok, why is he telling me this." First off, it was a slap in the face to lecture me about how he is better off and lives a better life. Now I'm sure he wasn't meaning any of this in a bad way. But it definitely came out wrong because I was thinking "yeah I bet you do live better than me, because you left my mother to raise me on her own, you prick." A single mom with a kid isn't exactly a fast-track path to the higher lifestyle. But I didn't let it get to me. I think he told me that because he thought that maybe I was after money or something and he wanted to clarify right then and there that it wasn't happening. Everyone that knows me would know that's the last thing I would want. If anyone were after anything, it would be my mother. She could've taken him to the bank years ago if she wanted to, but she didn't, because in her mind, why the hell should he have to pay for something that he doesn't want. He didn’t want me, so she gave him what he did want, which was no strings attached.
All I wanted out of this was a friendship. Maybe it would lead to a close relationship. Maybe it would lead to nothing. That's why I was there. I don’t have much to offer. A friendship is about all I can do. Why ask for more from him, than I can give.
While talking, he seemed to be an okay guy. He was very nice. He was also well mannered it seemed, just like everyone had said. We talked about some other things. There was a discussion about my military time, and questions about leaving for Afghanistan. We ate and talked a bit more, mostly about me. I would try to ask a question about him and his family (to hint around) in hopes that he would mention something about his son. But that didn't happen. I got close though. He did open up about how he coaches hockey and travels a lot with the team. But then he went to say that he basically does it for free, since all the money he got paid went to the travel costs. Once again he was lecturing me about money, without me even giving him a reason to. I did tell him several times what I wanted was only a relationship of some sort. Maybe he just wanted to tell me several times as well what he didn’t want.
The waitress had cleaned up our table already, except for the last few beers that we were still polishing off. I tried dinking as slowly as I could so that we would be there longer. I didn’t want to order another one because of the long drive. And we were running out of things to talk about. He sure wasn’t like the guy on the phone (Dwayne) that had millions of questions and was excited to hear about my likes and dislikes. Scott didn’t seem like he wanted to open up a lot.
I had a ton of questions to ask. But when he didn’t seem to want to talk about his life, it kind of silenced me. What was I going to talk about if he didn’t want to talk? And maybe he wasn’t like this on purpose. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say, or maybe he felt bad and didn’t know what to do. I’ll never know exactly how he felt that day.
I drank the last drop of my beer, and we got up. Scott had already paid for my meal, which was nice. I had told him it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted. On our way out there was an ATM machine in the entryway. He asked me if I had money for gas. I told him that I did and that I’d be fine. But he pulled out his wallet and decided to pull out some cash from the machine. He said he’d pay for my gas since I had to drive so far. I told him no, but again, he insisted. When he finished he handed me thirty bucks as we walked out the door. We started to walk down the sidewalk towards the lot where I parked. When we got there, we stopped. He asked where my car was and I pointed towards a little black Nissan Sentry. I then explained that it wasn’t mine and told him about my truck, the car, and why I borrowed a vehicle. I asked him if he was parked nearby, and said I could give him a ride if it was a few blocks away. He said “no, I parked right over there.” He pointed across the street. If I remember right, he was driving a black H3 Hummer. It had to have been because I said something about the gas mileage. Remember, this was 2008, during some of the peak four dollar gas prices. He just laughed it off and said something.
It was time to part ways. The total time together was probably two hours, if that. In the back of my mind, I was hoping he would say “are you sure you don’t want to walk around and talk some more?” But he didn’t. He told me to have a safe trip home and that he wanted me to keep him posted (something he later says a lot). I went to shake his hand, and instead he gave me a hug. For a few seconds I was being embraced by my real father. My whole life’s wondering and questioning was as close as it was ever going to get. It was a good feeling. And it was totally unexpected. I never saw it coming.
After that I just remember getting in my car. I was excited about the hug. I remember trying to back-track my Mapquest directions to get out of the city. It was on the way home that got to me. I started thinking that he hated me because he wouldn’t open up. I thought I had ruined my shot at getting to know him. I was thinking about all the things I should have said. Most of the trip home had some tears involved. It was emotional. My dad was right there. He bought me lunch. He hugged me. And it was all over, just like that. Would I ever see him again? Did he like me? I think I left with more questions than I had before I met him.
About to the Kansas border, I got a text. It was from Scott. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it was encouraging. He said something about me growing up, looking good, he wants to keep in touch, and that he thought the meet went well. It was what I needed to hear. It gave me some closure on the day. It also gave me something to look forward to. I gave me hope that this was the start of a friendship.
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